Dream on, dreamer.

Day 1 of car shopping, actually going to dealerships, not sitting online: I feel like I got nowhere. All I did was fall in love with a car that I cannot afford. Check ittttt.

 
I need to be inside this car. Tan, summer, windows down, blaring my techno. This is making my heart happy, looking at this picture and thinking these thoughts. I think I can definitely settle for no sunroof for this amazing car. And I love the blue. Up until today, I was never a fan of vehicles that weren't black, white, charcoal. Now, I'm turned on to sage green, baby blue. Where is this coming from? Ah, I know! I'm older, wiser :) Okay, I'll stop. This car is nowhere in my near future.

I must say, car shopping the first time around was a lot more fun because I was still living at home and by no means was paying the bills that I'm paying now, living happily all by my lonesome. Even with the money I got back from insurance as a down payment, my options are somewhat limited and I'm being picky. Although, I feel like, being almost 24, it's smarter for me to spend a bit more money on a car that I'm going to have for the next 5,6,7 years, verses a car that has a ridiculous amount of miles and that I won't have for more than a couple years. I feel like it's not legit for me to settle for something that I don't love, something that doesn't have everything I want. God, where is my rich husband! Kidding, I won't be marrying.. marrying... anytime.. soon. Rich man friend that wants to buy me a new car? That sounds better.

Wish me luck for tomorrow!

ps. Summer, where areee youuuuu?? I need you now.

Ahh inspiration.

"Everyone has his burden. What counts is how you carry it."

I'm having a very hard time focusing on the blog that I originally intended on writing due to getting sucked into one of my favorite shows, House Hunters. Although, along with today's events, it's making me contemplate moving somewhere where the winter is between 50 and 65 degrees and where there is never any snow, ever. The reason I have been watching HGTV all day long, realistically about 4 hours now, is because I am now stranded. Don't get me wrong, being stranded somewhere with HGTV and free internet isn't so bad ;) This morning, I totaled my car. Up until today, I have never experienced feeling completely helpless in a vehicle. It's right up there with the worst feeling ever. I was probably 4 minutes into my lovely drive to Kindercare, when I lost control going down a hill and the more I tried to turn right to try and get off the road, the more my car pulled left, right into the other lane and an oncoming car. How I calmly said, "shit, shit, shit" and didn't scream as I saw myself going downhill, and wayyy too fast into the front of another car, is beyond me. She swerved to the right, trying to get out of this insane oncoming car (me) and I swear I wasn't driving fast. My mom even said, "you are usually one to adapt and drive to weather as you need to." And I am. I hit the other car on her driver's side, spun around in a circle and eventually came to a stop. I sat for a second, took a deep breath, got out and ran to the other car, which stopped farther away from my car than I expected it to. Holy moly, was the road slippery. 


Neither of us was hurt, not one bruise. Although, when I eventually got in the car with my mom, she commented on the bruise on my cheekbone. "No mom, that's a stress zip." She pointed it out just like my babies do at work, only they actually point at it and get so close with their fingers, they actually touch it my face. 


If I had to hit anyone, I'm glad I hit the lady I did. God, if I would have had to deal with an asshole, that cares only about his/her car, I definitely would have had a hard time telling myself to have a good attitude about it. I thought to myself, There are two ways I can handle this situation. I can be crabby and think the world is ending, but that's ridiculous and not my style, orrr I can smile, and tell myself this is just a tiny little speed bump in the road of life. It is just a car, I'm alive and eventually, I get a new car out of it! 


Turns out, my insurance company wrote me a check for $6,640, hours after the accident and now I'm parked at my parents house for the next few days with a personal car shopper and driver to and from work (my mom) (Thanks, I owe you my life. You know this) and I have that much money to put down on a new car.. with a sun roof... heated seats.. automatic start.. satellite radio... Ah, this is fun. It's so weird how fast, I became helpless today and how I still think life is fantastic. 

Remember people, it's all in how you look at things.

Venturing back to the end of the week.

We failed and failed epically at yoga on Thursday night. I'm blaming my mom, ;) for the fact that we thought class was from 7-8. We walked in like assholes at 6:50, ready go and class had been going on for 50 minutes already! The lady closest to the door motioned me over and informed me that the times had changed and in a whisper that, "my mother was wrong."  So we spent the night taking back two bottles of wine and bs-ing like we do best. So I still don't have yoga in my life but we will succeed at yoga this week if it's the last thing I do! 

I was a bit bummed to learn on Friday at work that our staff holiday party was cancelled for the night and was going to be rescheduled. I adore everyone I work with and love when we find time to spend together outside of Kindercare. So Friday morning, as I was getting my babies ready for breakfast, I was talking with one of my bosses and one of my co-teachers. I told them that a mom had asked me to babysit on Valentines Day this year and that I agreed because I am without a boyfriend these days! My boss said the party might be rescheduled for the weekend of Valentine's Day and that she was moderately worried that people wouldn't come due to going on their hot dates. "People can go out on their hot dates on Valentine's day, who cares if it's a Tuesday," I say. This lead me to a weird and funny conversation with one of my dads who had just walked into the room. "I don't remember the last time I went on a hot date," he said. I responded with, "That's why you need to call me... (the next part was muffled, as I was preparing my babies food) so I can come over and hang out with your kids!" We all realized how funny it would be for an outsider to walk into that conversation, hearing that "you need to call me" part. I promise I don't hit on dads at Kindercare. Maybe this isn't as funny now but we all had a good laugh. 

I don't wear makeup to work. It would add more, unnecessary time to my mornings and my babies love me no matter what I look like. I said to my co-teacher later that day, "I'm thinking about starting to wear makeup to work" "So you can pick up hot dads?" "No, Megan, because I'm single and you never know who you're going to run into on your lunch break!" I am not a home wrecker. I promise. 

Alright, I'm stopping abruptly. IIIIIIIt's my bedtime! 

Have a wonderful Monday, all! 

Don't let this be you.

Yoga, where have you been all my life.

Wow, I actually held off blogging for a few days! I should have and would have loved to blog last night after I had worked out and showered and was two glasses of wine into the night, but as you know I have no internet! That could have potentially been a good one! ;)

So like I said, I worked out last night. for the first time in a loooonggg time. And I always tell myself that it hasn't been that long, so I do the same work out that I do when I work out consistently. Long story short, half way through I was dying and my knees were shaking like I'm 80 but luckily, I was able to push myself through it. :) High five! Soo this brings me to the reason why I am excited and nervous for tonight. I am also going to yoga at 7! Yoga that I haven't been to since March-- wow, didn't realize how long it had been. It probably wasn't the best decision to work out and get sore the day before I'm attempting yoga in almost a year. Should be interesting! I'm also ready for a good bible verse. If you are unaware, the yoga that I used to go to (more consistently than a couple times a year) is holy yoga. It's at a church in Hudson and the lady who runs it (well, there are two) used to babysit me when I was younger and the other, is a good friend of the fam. Anyways, it's amazing! Lights off, it's warm in there, there are candles spread out through out everyone and Maria or Katie start off with a nice, inspiring bible verse and then they end with it as well. I need a little more church in my life. I sin frequently. Kidding. But seriously. This is going to be me later.. 

 Not so much. :) 

A few weeks ago I came across this amazing video. I want to be there so bad. Techno meets yoga, sign me right up! 

I wonder how sore I'll be tomorrow.
Heck yes, tomorrow is Friday!

I'm thinking

...it feels so good to blog again. I have so much simply because I've been stationary at the Parr's for the last few days being my sick little self. Hurray for free internet! But, I'm thinking, after 5 months of no internet, I'm indeed going to have to get it. It's so much easier blogging everyday than skipping periods of time and feeling stressed about having wayy too many things to blog about. Soo I want to know whyyy the H does CenturyLink advertise as being $19.99 for the first 5 years on tv and then when I call they say it was a limited time offer? Am I missing something? If anyone pays not so much for internet, you go ahead and let a sister know! 

Side note: I love the Packers. For some reason, I have fallen in love and hard. Never have I ever thought I would care what's going on in the football world or ask Santa for a Packer's jersey for Christmas. Maybe it's because of this hottie.. 

Ugh, marryy mee!!

 Maybe it's a good thing Joel and I aren't together right now, I gotta keep my options open aka marry Aaron Rodgers. ;) 


Soo it's the new year. I used to make New Year's Resolutions but this year I didn't necessarily because my thoughts are this: if you have something you want to change or a goal you want to meet, do it. Don't wait. Although, I know the new year, new beginning thing is appealing, I get that. With all this talk of resolutions, I've thought of things I'd like to work on or change myself. 

 
1. I will listen better. All too often I'm on my phone texting or in a conversation and I zone out and then realize I have no idea what the other person just said. I will put my phone down. I will listen with undivided attention. 
2. I will stop binge eating after 8 pm. This is especially difficult when I work my second job at the liquor store until 9pm, don't bring anything to eat during my shift, and get home, eat everything in my fridge and then fall sleep. Ahh how awesome it is to do this but how terrible it is for you. 
3. I will work on my phone skills/get in touch with friends who live far away from me. I hate talking on the phone. I get super anxious, I pace around, I can't just sit and talk and I get awkward. I am not an awkward person. What the heck gives? I need to mentally prepare myself for a phone conversation and as funny as you may think that is, it's not
4. I will start reading again. For reason, I haven't been able to read. I've tried. Maybe I just haven't found the right book but this usually isn't the case for me. I can read anything and everything. I am starting to see a difference in conversations with people. I am sounding a little uneducated these days. yiiiikes. You have any fantastic books, you holler at ya guuurl. 

Alright, that's enough. Happy Sunday! 

 

Change #1

Why is everybody and their mother getting married and having babies? I'm starting to wonder if I'm the weird one being freaked out by the thought of having a husband, fiance' or having a baby inside me. It makes me feel like I'm watching a scary movie.. a very scary movie, like SAW, my god, my stomach is turning. 

I've been thinking and thinking about this particular blog. I told Joel that I blogged again over Christmas and that I was contemplating telling the blog world that we weren't dating anymore. He said that the only way I could was if I told the blog world what a wonderful boyfriend he was, and that he's now on the market.. yadda.. yadda.. yadda.. I don't know how I feel about that..

When Joel was gone in Nashville and Alaska this last time in October, I did wayy too much thinking. I seriously contemplated if being with someone who was always traveling was something I wanted for the rest of my life. Before, I was okay with it, but for some reason, now I felt differently. I was 100% nervous for this conversation that was about to take place when he finally got home. But, of course, I was nervous for no reason. Joel and I had the best conversation ever and mutually decided that neither of us was 100% in it anymore and that there was no point on half-assing a relationship at 23 and 24. Joel needs to focus on his music and I need to focus on myself. We high-fived our decision, felt great and even refreshed and relieved. We met up with my friends, got champagne and cheers-ed to the new chapter in our lives. It was the best break up ever. My friends responded with, "Leave it to you guys to have the most mature break up ever." And that's exactly the thing, Joel and I have always had a very mature, loving, understanding relationship, that I have no idea why I was so nervous to talk to him about it. He has never been anything but understanding.That could be one thing that makes this especially hard, we still love each other and most likely will forever.

This next paragraph I'm a little ify about.. and I'm torn because blogging is totally taking a chance and voicing my intense thoughts to the world about an intense, very important thing that's going on in my life, with the chance of random people/ everyone reading it. So of course now that Joel isn't my "boyfriend" we have, I don't want to say the best relationship we've ever had, because our relationship has always been wonderful, but now, something has changed. We've been having so much fun together, have been laughing super hard and it feels like it did when we first started seeing each other almost 3 years ago. Which, ugh, it shouldn't be like that. Towards the end of our relationship, Joel said we kinda of lost "us" which brings me back to informing you that "neither of us were 100% in it anymore." So what will happen you ask? I don't know. Will not being together show us that we are supposed to be? I don't know. Are we being ridiculous and stupid for walking away from something so wonderful? I don't know that either.

Joel will be in Europe for the whole month of February doing his music thing and focusing on that.This is an experimental period/learning process for us. Being without him as my "boyfriend" for the last few months has forced some more serious, but necessary thinking on me. I feel like being 23, I shouldn't have a clue who I want to be with for the rest of my life. Do I feel like that person is Joel? I don't know. But I do know that I need to go on dates with, hang out with and just be with other people to discover that.

 

 ... I'll do my best.

 

Because I so badly want to be on a beach, next to the ocean with a drink in my hand.

And because my mind is in 345890327458 places and a legit blog is too stressful. 

Back to right now....

#Ineedavacation

Goal: Stop spending money foolishly and save to go to paradise. with my girlfriends.

These pictures are enough motivation. Goodbye social life, hello somewhere tropical.