Stay At Home Girlfriend

 

“There’s a trick to the ‘graceful exit.’ It begins with the vision to recognize when a job, a life stage, or a relationship is over — and let it go. It means leaving what’s over without denying its validity or its past importance to our lives. It was important. It involves a sense of future, a belief that every exit line is an entry, that we are moving up, rather than out.” 

| Ellen Goodman 

 

 This quote could not be more perfect for my life right now. 

My last day at Goddard was originally scheduled for May 29th, two days before we planned to move. I moved the date up to the 22nd, realizing that I would be a giant stress ball if I didn't take some time off to successfully pack up our place, organize and get rid of things, something I love to do.  The feeling of cleaning and throwing things away that I no longer have use for or straight up, don't like anymore, is something I thoroughly enjoy. I ask myself, "If someone were to secretly throw this away, would I notice?" If the answer is no, in the trash it goes, or the Goodwill pile, depending. 

Before I started working in childcare, I had this weird "year curse," I called it. Every job up until the one I had in a center setting, I completely lost interest in around a year, give or take a month or two. I felt a need for change. I didn't feel the need to change professions, but I did need a change inside the company, so my director, at the time, was happy to put me in another classroom, if I needed. Thankfully, this was an option. Well, I had been at Goddard for a little over two years, loved my classroom at one point and the age group, toddlers, but my last few weeks at Goddard were tough. I had this thought in my mind that I was leaving, my kids were challenging, I just didn't have the patience or want to grow that connection and relationship with the newer kids in my class because I didn't feel it worth it. This was a constant mindset of mine, I had a hard time steering clear from it and this was not good for me on a day to day basis. It was time for a change. I needed change.

Long story short, I was done with work a lot sooner than planned, without a graceful exit, not going to lie. After leaving work so frustrated, I had a hard time holding back tears on each drive home, I decided it wasn't worth it. Financially, it would be tough, having a couple weeks off in between my end date at Goddard and my start date at KinderCare, but this was less important to me than my happiness. I would rather be even more of  a broke joke for a couple weeks, than have upset, frustrated thoughts towards such an amazing company, one that I had been happy with for the last couple years of my life. I wanted to remember Goddard as the place that came as close as possible to the first center that I worked at, the one that set the bar extremely high. I was so happy there. I wanted to keep those grateful thoughts I had towards that place and the management, instead of spending my last few weeks in Colorado, upset and frustrated at the end of every work day. 

So, this week and next, I'm a stay at home girlfriend. 

With the help of our road trip at the beginning of this month, I can now stay awake later than 8PM. I no longer wake up at 6AM and have 2 breakfasts before 10. I actually went back to sleep yesterday and woke up at 11AM and felt extremely disgusted with myself. So, I made myself work out. I decided that I'm going to make amazing use of my time this week and next. 

 This morning, I went and observed another toddler classroom at a high quality center in Boulder. See? Keeping myself busy. I have always been curious about other classrooms, only ever having been in the ones in centers I've worked for. It was an eye opener for me. Seeing the teacher's interactions and love towards the kiddos just made me realize even more that I wasn't in a good place my last couple weeks at Goddard. I was so frustrated that I wasn't taking the time to be the teacher that I can be, and know to be, to better the children and all of our happiness day to day. I also learned, that I need to let go a bit and let toddlers be toddlers. The teachers in the classroom weren't constantly, or at all, worried about things being neat or picked up. How do I even have this mindset with children? Let them be messy! Let them have the option of a bunch of different toys and activities, because they learn when they are having fun and when they want to. Not on my time. I'm taking this realization back to my classroom in Wisconsin, whatever classroom that may be.

In the last week, Joel has been taking apart our yard, replanting things in different planters, rearranging what we're leaving here and getting everything ready to go back to Wisconsin with us. We'll have a yard to call our own to invest time and money into, hooray! Yesterday, he took out each fishie, crab, eel and snail, put them into separate bags, drained the water in our salt water fish tank, took it apart and loaded it into his truck to drive it home to Wisconsin. This motivated me to start some packing myself. I started to take down pictures, pack candles, home decor and put them into boxes. "This is so insane," I kept telling Joel. Packing up our life here seems so surreal, it came so fast. When Joel was finally ready to take off, I kissed him goodbye, told him to be safe and turned the outside light on, a habit, when he leaves and I don't expect his return until late at night. I turned the light off and reminded myself that he wouldn't be home tonight. He would be back in Wisconsin. And then I felt extremely home sick. I thought to myself, how in the world could I feel so homesick? Or was it another feeling? I need to be here. I only have ten more days here. Ten more days in this amazing state that we've called 'home' for the last two and a half years. Oh, Colorado, you deserve a blog post all to yourself. 

In ten days, we close our Colorado chapter and move our life back to the Midwest. It's going to be so weird, great, but so weird to be back there and not just being there to visit. It will be our home. Colorado will now be the place that we visit, not somewhere we come home to. I'll have to remind myself when we get back to the land of cheese that I won't be on vacation but staycation. That's what we said when we moved our lives to Colorado, a little more fitting for this state than Wisconsin.

I'll let you know how my staycation is this coming winter back in the Midwest.

Yikes.

 

Tattoo O'Clock

I got on here intending to blog about our super amazing road trip we did at the beginning of this month but I started to look through my trillion pictures, decide which ones I wanted to post and then my brain started to hurt so I stopped. We'll see if I ever develop ambition for that post of way too many pictures.

I will on the other hand, share some pictures from this past week. 

Last Tuesday we saw Lana Del Rey at Red Rocks, which made my day take a complete 180. I was a little bummed that the weather wasn't as nice as I had wanted it to be and the crop top and high waisted shorts were a 'no-go' but a little chilliness didn't stop me from crying tears of complete and utter contentment. She looked amazing, sounded amazing and I swear, her and I had a moment during "Blue Jeans." Joel and I were both shocked at how young the crowd was. We joked with the couple next to us, who were our age, about the fact that most of the people there probably had no idea who Courtney Love is. Yes, that's right, Courtney Love opened up for Lana Del Rey and it was fantastic. I especially loved her entry into her set, "I'm going to take it back to the 80's, long before you little f***ers were born." She clearly noticed the crowd too. 

My music tastes have calmed, extremely, since we've lived in Colorado, like I've said before. I'm not constantly fist pumping to EDM anymore. Don't get me wrong, I love a good dance party but I spend a lot of time listening to Ben Howard and Lana Del Rey. I'm so happy we were able to see both of them during our Colorado chapter. 

After months of counting down, even via Snapchat (see below) I was reunited in Colorado one last time with one of my best friends. 

This best friend and I date back to Sunday School in our Elementary years. We started out going to church together and bible camp and our friendship has come a long way since. We are similar in ways but also very different and I love her just the same. It was time for her to get one more visit in before we move back to the Midwest. IN 12 DAYS. This is an insane realization, by the way.

Punch Bowl Social Club.

After a little run in with urgent care, too much money put towards medications, an inhaler, rest and some movies, all on her first day here, she was a bit more in "vacation mode." We headed down to Denver for Joel's show and my life was seriously made, sitting next to her and having one of the little boys in my previous class and his parents be there as well. 

Sunday we hiked Greyrock in Fort Collins. I read about it forever ago and needed to do it at least once before we moved. We got on the trail at 11:50AM and got off shortly after 6PM. We literally spent the day hiking. 

Not going to lie, it looks tiny in this picture. But, we were at the top. 

This explains my bad knees. pc: Joel Kachel

Heart rocks, everywhere.

Greyrock is on the right. After getting to the top, we wound around down and through the meadows loop next.

We found perfect walking sticks during our hike and decided to leave them for the next person or group. A little more than six hours later, we finished and felt accomplished, both having trouble blocking out our sore knees. Bad knees at twenty seven, I've accepted it. 

And then yesterday, we got tattoos. 

I have been contemplating getting another tattoo for awhile now and I think the only reason that was, was because I had forgotten what it felt like to get one. I didn't remember it hurting, but being terribly annoying, aggravating. Han went first, first timer, and then it was my turn. I sat down and straight up told the guy not to listen to me if I told him to stop. 

Inked, finally.

pc: Hanna Schulberg

I remember now why I walked out of the tattoo shop the first time and told myself I would never get another one. Who knows, maybe seven years down the road, I'll change my mind again and go get another.

My shoulder now says, "Property of JK Music." 

Just kidding. 

Mother Nature is my Main B

It's actually thundering and lightening outside right now, you guys. I heard one, little, sorry boom of thunder at work a week or two ago, and saw lightening once through the blinds during nap time but this is my first full on storm of the year. This is so exciting. Cleanse my mind, body and soul, Mother Nature, cleanse me. Gosh, it feels good. Just to look out my living room window and see pouring rain. What makes it better is the fact that it's still light out, a nice glow, if you ask me. Let's be real, the sun is shining! As summer is right around the corner, the days are getting longer and it's light until after 8PM. This is the best, the realization that our days are getting longer, warmer. There is nothing like light, and sunshine and a good downpour all at once. This is something I will miss dearly when we move back to the Midwest, the sunshowers. The weathermen actually talk about them. They exist. You got it, it's when the sun is shining bright but it's raining. It's the absolute best. 

It makes me think of a time I had a terrible day at work and then drove home and on my way, was blessed with the most amazing sunshower and then the clouds parted and the rain went away and the sun fully came out just in time to go down. It was beautiful. 

Of course, I Instagramed, think  I didn't? 

The caption was, "Proof that there are greater things than today's frustration." 

Oh man, does Mother Nature feel me. She knows my moods. She knows that this evening's rainfall is all too appropriate after the day I had, the week I had, I should say. The weather is my emotion's, twin, I'm telling you. Between my challenging class of one and a half year olds and my last couple weeks spent at Goddard, my eyes have been leaking lately, lets just say. I've felt frustration and a sense of happy and both are making me more emotional than a pregnant woman. I'm the biggest baby you'll ever meet, I swear to you.

 

What I need is a good downpour to cleanse my mind. And a vacation. I can cross one off the list tonight and the other come, early Sunday morning. Conveniently, today was my last day of work for 9 days and Joel and I are anxiously awaiting a road trip. We dreamed up this plan a couple months ago. Dreamed up, is that right? How do you say that? It's like hanged. Anyways, we developed this master plan and I am so excited we are following through. We are heading towards Utah and doing some camping in Moab. We knew we would never make this trip, after we move back to Wisconsin. Being six hours from Moab is far more manageable than like what, 18 hours? I've always wanted to visit those beautiful arches, stand underneath them. You can bet there will be some pictures taken. After Moab, it's back into Colorado to Telluride, down to Mesa Verde, the Four Corners, back up into Durango and Salida to visit one of my Mom's best friends from high school. We had an amazing last camping trip during the Fall last year, not too far from where we live and thinking about it makes me even more excited to do this road trip. We will be seeing a handful of great places we have not yet seen since we've lived in Colorado. What a wonderful way to start our last month in this beautiful state.

I suppose I can share a couple pictures from my Birthday weekend, last weekend. One of my best friends was in town. She had never been to Colorado, was truly running out of time, us being so close to our move and what better weekend than the one in between our Birthdays. There was nothing like having her here, basking in the sunshine in my backyard and drinking my morning coffee with her. Sharing some drinks, Birthday cards and gifts, laughs, cake, and just being in her presence, gosh, it was lovely.

 

Bridesmaid Material | pc: Joel Kachel

She bought me Drew Barrymore's book for my Birthday. I love cute and/or hilarious coffee table books like it. It's a book of pictures she's taken over the years, hearts in random objects, places. Hearts. Perfect. We all know how much I love love. 

Always wearing those leggings. 

And then look at what I found on my beer glass later that night. 

That's not just my very talented boyfriend playing music in the background, it's a heart puddle of beer placed so perfectly on my glass. Is this real life? 

 

When deciding what I wanted written on our Birthday cake, I took all three of us into account. With Tier having just turned twenty six, me twenty seven, and Joel twenty eight, we needed something fitting for all of us. This is what I went with: 

 

Sparkler candles that didn't really sparkler at all, but we didn't fret. 

 

We visited a couple friends in Denver that had just taken in five foster kittens. Five kittens. At once. Have you ever played with five kittens at the same time? It's happiness, at least, in my world.

 

 

I got no group pictures because the little buggers were speedy things and I was just thoroughly enjoying the moment. Picture this guy, plus four more. Skipping around. Biting each other's ears, wrestling. Greatness. How our friend will give them up, is beyond me. Good luck, Lia.

 

Joel's Mom was also in town for work and was able to stick around for a Joel Kachel show and our Birthday festivities. 

 

Mother In Law Material

Well, that's just not the best cell phone picture ever taken.

 

It was a short, sweet visit from a couple ladies I adore and I loved every minute of it, even though I wish they could have stuck around longer, have seen more, gone exploring. 

 

It's okay, there will be exploring done this week, lots of it. 

Road trip To-Do list, here I come! 

 

Moab road trip: 2 days 

Lana Del Rey at Red Rocks: 11 days 

(Another) best friend comes to town: 12 days 

Move back to the Midwest: 30 days