I am going through a serious dilemma at the moment. And I am wondering if I would even be going through this dilemma if I hadn't gone home over last weekend. I went home for my Gma's funeral and made sure to spend a couple hours at the KinderCare that I know and love and miss terribly. Between the family time and visit at KinderCare, I think I have enough hugs to last me a lifetime. I wise man once said, "A happy and healthy person gets at least five hugs a day." Is that even realistic? Even hugging Joel before and after work, that's two. I feel like it would be more realistic if I had kids of my own, but that's neither here nor there. It could potentially be realistic if I lived back in Wisconsin and still worked at the KinderCare there-- I can't tell you how much my co-workers and I loved to hug. I feel like that's only part of the norm for people working in childcare. I can't see office employees walking to the next cubicle and demanding a hug or simply saying that you need a hug without even saying anything. My girlfriends and I were huge huggers too. We've been reminded far too many times that life is short and you have absolutely no idea what tomorrow will bring or if there will even be a tomorrow. Leave each other like it could be the last time, always. Luckily, here I have my Alyssa, who saves me. Remember a few posts back when I mentioned a new girl starting at my center and being frustrated and almost in tears after her second day, just like me? Well, that's Alyssa and she is good for my soul. Thank you higher power, whatever you are, for bringing me Alyssa after my move to Colorado.
Alright, back to my dilemma. My unhappiness at works is tainting my very happy life and this is not okay. In life, I have always advised friends to make changes if something is making them unhappy. In my situation, this is far more easier said than done, which I'm sure it is in other situations as well. I have been with KinderCare for almost five years and I'm so unhappy at work that I'm actually contemplating starting over elsewhere. Which makes me so sad because working at Hudson KinderCare, I was convinced I was going to be a lifer there. I have always told people that I'm going to be 80 and rocking babies. Transferring to the KinderCare that I am at now, has made me like the company less. Shouldn't all KinderCares be the same? Back in Wisconsin, I understood when I'd meet people that had been with the company for 25 years. And back there, that was common. You would not believe that amount of turnovers here in Colorado. I used to ask why, but now I understand. Alyssa and I talk frequently about how different the teachers are here, well, teachers and everything. She came from a center an hour or so away because her and her husband built their house here. Luckily, I have my co-teacher too, who keeps me coming to work everyday, strictly because we hide in our cave and never deal with other people or children, aside from our awesome babies and families. Which just sounds terrible. I feel sad because I loved KinderCare in Wisconsin. I could have stayed there forever. I won't sit and talk smack about my director and district manager, not because I don't want to, but because, that will get me nowhere. I just know I would be so much happier working for someone who has been in their director position for 5-10 years and they have a clue. I don't think that my district manager would allow me to transfer to another center, and honestly, I know I would be happier not working for her. I'm just having such a hard time, having arguments with myself in my head day to day about what I need to do. Having been with KinderCare for so long, I don't want to start over with another company, not have insurance again for awhile, be that new person that has to learn everything from the ground up, but then again, maybe this phase of my life can be done. My mom said that I shouldn't have even visited my old center when I was home, which to me, isn't even realistic. Of course I'm going to visit and be reminded of how a center should be run, how good teachers act towards each other and their classes and how great a relationship a person can have with their employer and still respect them and know that they are your superior. I think of my life there and depending on how many drinks I've had or the day I'm having, I sometimes cry. I got in the car after Joel picked me up from the airport on Monday and choked back tears. The only thing that put me in a good mood, was immediately hearing Beauty and a Beat on the radio. Thank you, J bieb. I know it's work that's making everything difficult because my mom was right when she reminded me that I love my life in Colorado. But coming home was especially hard because I knew I had to go back to work. Work is such a huge part of anyone's life and to not love what you do everyday is draining and annoying. Poor Joel, he's definitely felt the effects. I have been a different person since I've been back and he sees it. I'm so stressed, it's hard to not show it. My face was immediately broken out when I got back here. Alyssa's Gpa passed away the same morning as my Gma, oddly enough, so she was back home where her husband grew up over this last week as well, and she said it was equally as hard to come back and her face did the same thing.
I hear people say every year that winter is hard because it's so depressing, cold and gloomy. My mom taught me to think only positive thoughts and I, 99% of the time, do just that. But even though the sun shines almost every day here, this is definitely the most depressing winter I've ever had. Having just moved my life to beautiful Colorado, I won't settle for this sheet. Some serious changes are in order.
